


Rest In Peace, My Love

by Hanson



Category: DMMd, DRAMAtical Murder
Genre: Character Death, Depression, M/M, Sad, Suicide, mention of non-con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-25
Updated: 2014-05-25
Packaged: 2018-01-26 12:57:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1689137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hanson/pseuds/Hanson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There was no recovery. No happy ending. It ate the one he loved from the inside out, and he couldn't save them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rest In Peace, My Love

**Author's Note:**

> This is a follow up to, 'Fierce Jellyfish'. I guess you could consider it a bad ending, if you must. Again, it mentions Non-consensual sex, or rape, and has suicidal tendencies, and suicide within. Please be advised not to read if you are suicidal, or are depressed, or are severely triggered by mention of rape.
> 
> I will be writing a good ending soon.

Nothing was ever quite right after the 'incident'. Clear refused to call it anything else, for fear of setting Koujaku off. The poor man would jump at light touches, loud noises, and Rib was never the same. Soon, Benishigure was losing territory, and making less appearances. Their leader never wanted them to know. To know that he'd been hurt in such a way. Koujaku believed it made him weak, that it made him pathetic, less than human. But eventually, Clear broke his promise of secrecy and told them all.

They agreed with the android. It was never Koujaku's fault, and they promised to keep quiet that they even knew. However, Clear was sure that Koujaku figured it out, what with the team limiting their boisterous voices, and restricting touches. In fact, he seemed relieved, but things aren't always as they seem. No matter how many times Clear said it wasn't his fault, that he could bounce back, that those people would never touch him again, the hairdresser began to get worse. He developed anxiety and depression, distancing himself from everyone.

Everyone, but Clear. Not that he really had a choice. Clear had become so worried about him, that he rarely left the house. He made sure the samurai ate, took care of himself, slept. When he woke up screaming in the middle of the night, screaming for it all to stop, to let him go, Clear was there. Shushing him, soothing him, petting his hair, and singing him back to sleep. No matter how many times the other asked the android to leave, because 'Goddammit Clear, you can't be doting on me all of the time', he stayed. Beni was instructed to keep an eye on Koujaku's vitals when Clear wasn't around, and to report to him when anything changed.

Then, came the subtle changes. Changes that seemed like Koujaku was getting better. He was sleeping deeper, socializing more, his usual flock of girls were back. Kuri had her kittens, and Koujaku seemed to happily busy himself with helping her take care of them. Everything seemed better, and Clear allowed himself to relax a bit. Relaxing was something he never should have done. He should have been alert when he found the sleeping pills, since Koujaku never took such a thing. He should have been alert when Koujaku actually went to greet his team for the first time in forever. He should have been alert when he couldn't make it to Koujaku's one night, helping with a huge fight in the Northern district near his home. He should have been alert, when there was no report from Beni.

Running as fast he could, he opened those front doors to find Beni, deactivated on the table. The pantry where Koujaku kept all those pills was open, and the liquor he'd worked so hard to hide was gone. Why hadn't he just gotten rid of it? Kuri and her kittens were nowhere to be seen. There was no heartbeat. No breathing. No sound. A rock dropped in the pit of the androids stomach, and he hoped, god, he hoped he was wrong.

Not even bothering to take off his boots, he darted through the home. His footsteps echoed in his ears, and his own heartbeat grew faster, and harder in his chest. Not anyone else, his heart beat. When he reached the bedroom, and thoroughly stepped on a liquor bottle, the shards digging into the rubber sole, everything broke down inside him.

Koujaku. His Koujaku. His Koujaku lay on that bed, a content smile on his face, hair undone. Clear could smell the death, that sickening gut churning smell that hit you right at home. He could smell the vomit where Koujaku's stomach had tried to get rid of its contents. He could see the rigidness of Koujaku's limbs. He heard no heart beat. No breathing. And with that, he collapsed to his knees, not caring about the shards that dug into synthetic flesh. He punched the ground with such force that it dented, and a primal scream left his throat, one that would deafen anyone if they'd been in the room with him.

"KOUJAKU!"

...

The funeral was grim. Aoba had come back from Germany with Noiz, a sobbing mess at having lost his childhood friend, and the android could have sworn he saw tears prick at Noiz's eyes. Tae-San wore that same frown, but silent tears flowed down her cheeks. Mizuki hadn't even bothered to come, and Benishigure mourned as a group. Everyone was sniffling, trying to hold it together as that coffin made it's way towards the plot that it would rest. Clear, was oddly serene. It felt odd, wearing black, but not as odd as having that light gone from his life. He remembered sobbing, crying, crawling over to the bed and climbing upon it to make sure, to definitely make sure he was right.

Maybe his systems were malfunctioning, maybe he wasn't hearing right, maybe he was wrong. Please, please let him be wrong.

To no avail. To no avail. No. NO. THIS WASN'T HOW IT WAS SUPPOSED TO END. He'd cried, he'd cried, and screamed until his voice was raw. After, everything had seemed empty.

Pulled out of his thoughts by a hand on his shoulder, Clear turned to see Aoba, holding Ren close, shaking him gently, "We're saying final goodbyes before putting the lid on the casket. You should go say goodbye." Clear let his eyes wander briefly to Beni, burrowed in Ren's fur, shaking. With a slow nod, he offered the water logged Aoba a small smile before making his way over. He must have been the last one, because everyone parted like the red sea when he made his way through.

Koujaku looked peaceful. Set among a sea of fire lilies, the black of his Kimono offset his now pale skin. His rough and worn hands were crossed over his chest, clasping the hilt of his sword. Clear had felt that Koujaku wouldn't want to be buried with it, but it seemed wrong to make him part with it. Reaching down to run a finger over those scarred knuckles, Clear heard a collective murmur when he pulled his ever-present green scarf from his neck. When he reached to put it in the coffin, he caught a sob from Kou, one of the members of Benishigure.

Pulling it under Koujaku's neck, it upset the lilies a bit as he crossed the stitched ends, letting them rest over the Samurai's chest. "To keep you warm..." Clear murmured, moving away as they lowered the top to the casket.

...

Clear was the only one left. Staring at the marker that overlooked the sea, he was glad that they had decided to bury Koujaku here. Here, Koujaku was near Grandpa, so he'd have company. His chest clenched at that. He'd lost someone else dear to him.

"Koujaku-San, I have a few things to say, so, will you listen?" He knew the only response he'd get would be the crashing of the waves as the sun slipped beneath them, but it felt better to ask.

"I... I don't know much about death," He began, "Grandpa told me that death was when people got really tired, and went to sleep forever. That's what he did," Clear couldn't help but look in the direction his Grandfather was buried, "But this. You weren't really tired, not in the same way."

A choked back sob escaped him, "I thought you were doing better. I relaxed. I should have been paying more attention. I should have been there to protect you in the first place," a hitched breath, "I should have been able to protect you. Save you. I should have been there!" The tears escaped, and Clear felt his shoulders shake and his cheeks become wet, "I should have told you I loved you when I had the chance! But I didn't! I couldn't do anything right! I couldn't do anything to help you! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" He lost the ability to speak after that, finding himself hyperventilating and making loud half screams, those kind of breathy screams you emitted when you had no hope left.

Oddly, he didn't blame anyone but himself. Sure, the Dirty Dancers had a part, but he was the one who had failed at protecting Koujaku. No, at protecting his friend, the one he'd come to love, the one he'd never told that he loved. His knees hit the dirt, and he cried. He cried, and screamed like a child who had lost his mother. Except, she was never coming back.

Please, Rest In Peace, My Love.


End file.
